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W: 420mm x H: 395mm x D: 1mm
W: 17" x H: 16" x D:
Approx. Weight: 300kg
This work is
About "Step over"
I wanted to paint a picture of myself starving in Hillbrow, that was 1989, I think... I had the picture in my mind, of how people just ignored me while I got thinner and dirtier and faded to grey... when I took pencil to paper tonight (21/9/11), the person lying in the gutter took on a male face and the person stepping over him was me!!! and of course, a stranger with shoes passing by on the other side... I reflected while doing all this and realised at the end that I had only been subjected to "giving up" during the tumulteous year of 1987 or 1989 because I had fallen in love (or rather, become INFATUATED) with a man who cared nothing for me, and I had decided that there was no one else for me on this planet, thus me trying to "gain sympathy from the universe" in those days by crying at every sad song, or just: living in a dreamworld... well, the tables turned and I did find true love and now I'm living my dreams, instead of them being discarded as rubbish, and my love being spurned, so hence, there I am stepping over the one who didn't believe in me... quite an involved painting, but it just shows one that upon taking up the task of exploring the inner artist, and letting everything out without holding back, a deeper understanding of one's self can be born... sometimes the grass is greener on the other side...
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View all 86 works by Raine Carosin
About me. Well, my name is Raine Carosin (and yes, its a pretty unusual name to many and I had my fair share of teasing, but that's all by the wayside now.) I've been married twice before (Chaskelson; Felgate; born du Plooy). I am middle-aged! Yup, I made it further than I ever thought! Since I was able to see myself draw with my Mom watching and teaching me, I have wanted to be the most famous artist in the whole world. Of course, life happens and after many twists and turns, my art life was the last resort when it came to revamping myself, recreation and thinking. I didn't study art as I had wanted to and learned what I could in the university of life. As the typical Sagittarian, with the Chinese sign of Tiger over my head, I am lazy and laughable, and sometimes too easy-going for the world. I am fortunate that I found my cosmic twin in 2005 and am now just a housewife with no children - (I gave my son up for adoption). Otherwise, what do you really need to know? I love painting and drawing, especially if someone gives me an idea of what they'd like painted. I enjoy playing guitar and writing songs and poetry. I love cooking and dressing up, make-up and all! I haven't ever made a profit with my art, and I scarcely believe that I can, being so indebted to the Creator for everything that He has done for me - besides, I usually give my artwork away. I Am What I Am. There you go. Perhaps my art could say more.
I was diagnosed as schizophrenic when I was 20ish due to early childhood trauma and the ensuing hiccups that followed suit lead me to lead a very weird life. However, the psychiatrist who dealt with my case way back in 1985, had this to write to me when I spoke with him about the possibility of my having been misdiagnosed in 1985...
You can have a "revaluation" any time. It is not a formal thing. You are not "a schizophrenic" .. you are Raine who was diagnosed with what we call schizophrenia at a stage of your life. Sometimes schizophrenia runs an inexorable tragic deteriorating course with little response to treatment and no return to functionality. But in other people it is episodic or even temporary. Frequently the picture varies and a person may be called schizophrenic in one episode, perhaps bipolar in another, perhaps depressed in another. Also diagnostic practices change over time. For example, people who would have been called schizophrenia 20 years ago are often called bipolar affective disorder or schizoaffective disorder now. And there is no reason to believe that the present diagnoses are the final story and there will never be more changes.
So you are Raine who was diagnosed (at that time) with schizophrenia, according to our understanding of things at that time. But as I remember you were never absolutely typical, you were much more in touch with reality most of the time, a pleasant personality and good fun. But there was a good chance that you would lose some of that as the "disorder" progressed with time.
Apparently you have done extraordinarily well and made a life for yourself, not just an object to be controlled by psychiatrists.
So, at an "evaluation" someone might find that you no longer have any features of schizophrenia, or that what you have is not very important or could be made even better with improved medication, etc. They could debate the original diagnosis but they weren't there at the time and it wouldn't change anything, anyway. And don't forget that theoretically you could have another evaluation in a few years' time in which the same situation would arise again.
My advice: if you are not certain of how well you are, discuss it with a good psychiatrists and play it from there. Otherwise get on with your life the way it is and remember you are Raine and not a diagnostic label.
I will be on 702 Thursday evening at 7.00. If I get a chance I will bring up this issue.
So I am what I am - there's no changing the past. And there's no becoming "normal" again. Anyway, I have come to terms with nearly very much all in my life and am glad to have finally met the man who belongs in my forever.
UPDATE: It is 23.54 by my pc watch. 18 June 2010. I painted this picture (The Vision) in 1996 from a vision I saw in 1986, after the birth of my son. It was my long awaited vision of eternity, which I had prayed for since I was about 10 or 11 years old.
Epiphany. Tonight, the date above, just mentioned. Just as I was closing my eyes to sleep. I was thinking about the burglary that my Mom in law had described to me. I was glad she was safe, but angry about the fact that she had to go through it. I wanted to tell her to go and live in a safer place, away from the desperate people She had chased the burglars with Jesus name, calling on Him to help her.
I thought about God. I suddenly saw sense. The lion roars, usually because he is hungry. And He is roaring the truth. The lioness, has to hunt for him, to feed him and quell his roaring. She is not telling the truth. She whispers in the winds that the grazing is fine and that there is no danger, but her blood races as she brings down a gazelle after her quiet creeping in the darkness (Ah, but my writing is surely poetic, but so wry)
So, when Joseph, in the painting, holds up the dead ferret and the God says that if I don't paint Him I will be thus, I couldn't from that moment fathom the meaning of the vision. All I knew was that if I didn't paint the vision I would be dead meat. But, now it has made sense. God, with all His Love for us, also has a hunger, and if someone tells you that there are desperate people and animals out there, I am sure you are not going to lay out any tempting goodies God, in His Love for me, just wanted me to paint the vision so that He could say a thousand Words, pls excuse the pun.
Just be careful, I say. The truth hurts, they say. Don't get hurt and don't hurt others. Try to understand. No human being is perfect. It has taken me long enough, I say The things we do for love
God loves you all individually and is all powerful. Don't put your faith in flesh, but in Him and He will move the world. But don't expect Him to live for you - Life has been given to YOU to live and glorify His Creation/s.
I've sold my first painting - for real!!! Thank you. Jan 2011.
JULY 2011: AUGUST 2011: Sold my second painting (KHAN) at the tattooist's shop, so happy about that...
Well, it looks as if we shall be able to emigrate, though where to, not sure yet... I've given all my remaining paintings that didn't sell to my Cousin as I can't take anything with me but my guitar, some paints, paper and brushes... Gotta travel light! Anyways, I have loved it here on this site, and hope that I may be able to leave this page here as it is, for who knows? Perhaps one day I'll be settled enough to sort all my loose ends out.
Plus, I'd like to leave the photographs of my artwork here as it is the most complete set of photographs I have on the world wide web for posterity!
I'll always be in contact with South African Artists, so should you have any queries, requests, or anything, please don't hesitate to make the call!
I only have an online presence...
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